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Slumber with the Fishes/Transcript
(Jerry's in his room playing a video game. Jenny comes in and sees what's going on.) Jenny: Can I play? Jerry: I don't think you'd like it. Jenny: Why not? Hey wait a minute, is it because I'm a girl!? Jerry: You're losing it. Jenny: Come on, you know, it wasn't easy getting where we are today, we're not going back to the dark ages. Jerry: What? Jenny: I dunno, but come on, are you trying to say girls can't play video games? Jerry: Fine, go ahead, enjoy some masochism. (Jerry throws her the controller and leaves.) Jenny: Now that's what I'm talking about! (Jenny starts the game.) Game: Get ready to shoot some alien scum! Jenny: JERRY! (intro) (at lunch, Alison and her friends are talking amongst themselves.) Alison: I had a thought. Would you believe me if I told you that school is prison? Sam: What took you so long? Everyone hates school. Colleen: Everyone that matters. Alison: Think about it. Prisons look depressing on the outside, our school looks pretty depressing on the outside. Prisons have fences on the outside, have you seen the ones that surround the playground? Prisons monitor behavior, our school needs no introduction, and don't get me started on how both make people wear uniforms. Julie: Okay, I hate uniforms as much as the next guy, but what's your deal? Alison: I want to devote more time into getting people to join our group. There's safety in numbers. Emily: You kidding? It's going to be a mess if we get more members, I can feel it in my bones. Alison: Look, I just want to shake things up a bit, it's annoying having to see the same people every day in and out of school. Colleen: Alright, you could hunt for one more member, and maybe we'll let you take in more if you work on your segways. Alison: Done deal. (The p.a. system activates.) Francis: Good morning everyone, Principal Kadic was kind enough to let me deliver this announcement. Cosmo: Hey, what're you doing- Francis: Go back to sleep. Anyway, I've got some wonderful news, for the first time, I'm bringing back my weekly sleep-over. (everyone cheers.) Francis: To show that I'm not playing favorites, I intend to invite every girl in school to it, exceptions suffice. (all of the girls cheer.) Francis: I expect you to behave reasonably, if I catch you doing anything that irritates me, let's just say you'll be happy when you're out of Belbury Middle School. Come to my house at 5:45 tonight, bring food if you want! LET GO OF ME! Jerry: Girls only? That hardly seems fair. Jenny: Come on Jerry, not everything's meant for boys. Jerry: You're right, not everything's meant for boys, we can't have anything anymore. Jenny: You okay? Jerry: I will be once I get home. Enjoy the night, I'll find a way. (Jerry leaves.) Julie: What crawled up his butt? Jenny: Let's not worry about it, he, mom and dad have some thick skin. (it goes to Ned.) Levi: WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT IN THE DICTIONARY!? (Autumn and Martha are against the wall crying.) (back to the kids, Dante approaches them) Dante: Heard about Franny's little get together, figured you'd like some help. Francis: Forget it. (Francis approaches them.) Francis: This is an all girls thing. Dante: I get that, I figured you'd want a more lenient watch guy, someone who'd let you get away with more than what your father would. Francis: My dad and my grandpa are more lenient than you think. There is nothing you could say or do to change my mind. Dante: How're you on pizza? Francis: Elmo's been shut down by the government, we haven't had free pizza in months. What're you driving at? Dante: I got a job as a delivery boy at Wanna Pizza'Me, I could put in a good word and get you enough pies to hold you all over for the night. Francis: Alright, you had better be going somewhere with this, I don't take kindly to being deceived for some cheap exploitation. Dante: Consider it done. (Jupiter goes up to them) Jupiter: Hey, Francis, heard about what you're doing and... will you have a clown at your party? Francis: No can do, my grandpa's been out of the game since the late-70s. Anyway you should watch what you say when you're on my terms, it could come back to haunt you. (Francis leaves and goes to Ruth.) Francis: How's the list going? Ruth: Easier than you think, what with the invite everyone tidbit. Though I gotta ask, why isn't Suzy invited? She's part of our team. Francis: Well lately she's been, let's say, out of sync with the rest of us. She's setting us back by years with her behavior, we're here to keep things on the up and up, not making people miserable. So I figured that I'd leave her out of this and see if she'd get the memo to straighten up and fly right. Ruth: You sure she'd take it well? Francis: I told her before I made the announcement, she took it pretty well. I mean she didn't give any indication on how she felt, but the fact that I'm still in one piece should say everything. I call that convenient. Ruth: Speaking of convenient. (it goes to the girls walking to Francis' house.) Colleen: Here's a thought, why didn't we just ask our parents to drive us? Alison: It's a beautiful night, besides, it'd save us a set pick-up time. Sam: To heck with this. I've got my own way. (Sam flies up and goes to Francis' house. Sam knocks on the door and Lars opens it.) Lars: You darn vultures! You won't get another cent out of me- Oh I'm sorry I thought you were the IRS. So what brings you here? Sam: Francis' slumber party. Lars: Thought she was done with those. Sam: Apparently not. Lars: Is this a one-on-one thing? (a girl with a giant hair-do approaches them.) Sam: Hey Mack. (Mack shakes her head, and all of the girls come out of it.) Emily: Thanks for the ride Mack. (all of the girls head toward the front.) Francis: Hold it! (the girls stop.) Francis: I just want to thank you all for coming, firstly, second, this won't be an easy night. If I'm going to host more slumber parties, I want to see who'd be worth inviting. I won't play favorites, all of you will be as likely to be kicked out and promptly shunned. So, no pressure. Come right in. (the girls enter.) Selma: Oh my gosh, we've entered Valhalla! Francis: It's okay I guess, gutted the living room and converted the center into a jacuzzi, got the widescreen TV on layaway and my bowling alley has just been polished. Colleen: And you're so nonchalant about it, why? Francis: Honesty is key. I know I might regret it, but, make yourselves at home. (it goes to scenes of the girls hanging out and playing with the stuff Francis owns. Francis' attention is drawn to someone scavenging through her fridge.) Francis: Katlyn! Katlyn: Oh dear. Francis: I'm fine with everyone messing with my stuff, but my food!? Katlyn: I was just trying to find a place to store my cheese balls. Francis: Likely story, besides, cheese can be laid on a bed of ice and it could endure a night, and I'm not a storage service. I want that cheese out of my fridge. Fiona: How about throwing it our way? Ashley: Yeah we're hungry! Francis: I told you all to bring food! And I didn't mean food you'd leave in my fridge. (the doorbell rings.) Francis: I'll get it, Katlyn, I'm giving you one last chance, don't blow it. (Francis answers the door, Dante is seen, with numerous pizzas in hand.) Dante: Special delivery. 52 pizzas, each with varying toppings. Francis: Impressive, what do I owe you? Dante: Nothing, how could I charge a sick veterans home for pizza? Francis: But we, oh I get it. Congrats, you've proven your worth, but boys are still not allowed in here. Dante: Fair enough. (Dante hands Francis the pizzas and he leaves.) Francis: Dig in everyone! (Everyone goes for the pizza, with Francis sneakily hiding one box for herself. She notices the girls messily eating.) Francis: And girls think boys are disgusting... Julie: Okay, everything's been good so far, but I think we've run out of things to do. Selma: We've overestimated Valhalla. Francis: And what do you want me to do about it? Ashley: It's your house, your party, your MO. Francis: Okay, how about a movie? I got The Shining- Elizabeth: Pssh, that movie isn't worth the film it was printed on, I wouldn't show it to my nearsighted grandma. Luckily, I've got just the films to watch, check these out- (Elizabeth takes out some tapes) Elizabeth: Fresh from the pre-certification era. Classic 70s exploitation and horror, all at a price that my parents are still trying to pay off. Francis: Ah, nice, there's just one problem, I don't have Betamax! Nobody has had it since the late-80s! Alison: I've got Tales from the Crypt, not on Betamax. Jupiter: Cool, I love the shenanigans of that rotting puppet! (it goes to the girls watching the movie.) Jupiter: So this existed before the show? Fiona: Impossible! This is from Fox! Alison: You guys don't know jack. Francis: Okay, the movie was a bad idea! Colleen: Instead of relying on movies for scares, why don't we just scare each other? Monique: I'm in no mood for pranks. Colleen: No you idiot, ghost stories. Dolly: I totally got one! There once, was a ghost from Nantucket- Francis: Let me start, it's my house. Then one of you could give your story and we'll see who is best. (Francis looks at Katlyn) Francis: Or better yet, Katlyn, why don't you give it a shot? Katlyn: Okay. There was a slumber party, on a dark and stormy night, had by girls, about your age- Francis: Okay, that's it! If you have to specify certain areas just to get our guards down the story's bound to stink. You're a disgrace to the girls of Belbury Middle School you worthless toad! (Francis throws her pizza at Katlyn and the others follow suit, jeering while doing so. As Katlyn runs out, we see Dante sitting on a branch by a hallway window.) Dante: The boys will be eaten alive in high school. (to Francis) Francis: Okay, I'll go first, any objections? No, okay. Some say, within the long forgotten town of Cisco, Minnesota, there was a woman, a red light kind of woman who entertained passengers waiting for the Soo Line. She delivered the same performance every show, but never got objections from her viewers. But, there was one who wouldn't stand it. He idiotically believed she was a worker, shooting down her heartfelt monologues, frowning upon her energy, then came the heckling, and she lost newcomers, old fans, those who once cared for her followed in the dark footsteps of the heckler. Alison: I hate to be a bother but this is starting to sound like padding- Francis: Hold your horses! One performance, the viewers boarded their train, but the heckler remained, becoming meaner by the second, but the woman was undeterred. "Do you enjoy pain?" She says. "Move lady!" And with a strike of her arm, he was on the ground. "You undermined my creative fulfillment! Now I'll undermine you!" "But you can't do this to me..." "I can do what I please! I'm the star!" Colleen: She wasted him!? Francis: Yup. That was the end of him, and strangely enough, the end of her. Whether she's lining the silver screens in the sky, or forever doing the same show with the same man in the audience, all that's known is that they're as dead as Cisco. (Francis laughs) Francis: Get it! Because Cisco's dead! (the girls just look at her.) Francis: Okay who's next?